I know at first glance (or even tenth) you might struggle to see what JLo and I have in common. For starters she is a Puerta Rican beauty while I am a manifestation of Irish-Acadian peasant genes, complete with short stature, birthing hips and land-working thighs. But stick with me… I just finished reading an interview with her in Vogue (Dec 22 issue) where she says she always felt like an outsider, that she marched to her own beat and let herself down when she pretzeled herself to please others. It really resonated with me; this being the outsider. The not quite being in step with others and sometimes trying to shift myself with a different façade that whimpered to the world “How do you like me now?”
I was certainly never a “cool” kid, nor a cool adult for that matter, tho I have done some pretty cool things. I am complicated and diverse enough that there has never been one particular group that I belonged in so I have often felt on the fringe. I think it is interesting, those people who are still besties with their high school posse; but I never even had a posse then let alone still have one.
I have felt the pining and hurt of not quite belonging. And the introspection that follows; Why won’t those women invite me to join them? Why don’t they see how interesting and fun and gosh darn nice I am? What do I need to diminish to be more appealing?? (I know, sad right??)
I’m not talking about having friends. I have those. A couple handfuls of good, nice people, spread out across North America. I am talking about new friends, the people you want to meet and hang with when you find yourself starting over again in a new place. I have lived as an adult in four Canadian provinces so there’s decades of seeking new friends among people who have their posse, whether from high school or not; they have their tribe and it often didn’t have room for one more. Or at least not room for me.
The worst experience I had with this was shortly after I moved to Saint John. A group of women, with a clear alpha leader, suggested I host their annual girls night in. I was excited about the prospect of them all being around my dining room table on a Saturday night! I just knew that the place would be rocking with lively conversation, storytelling, getting to know. Heck, I could even see that as the evening wore on we might even end up dancing! I planned the menu carefully and when the big day came, got up and began cooking, only to have every single one text me they couldn’t make it. Oh, Except one. She didn’t bother to message me, or reply to my message. It felt like the worst playground experience (except I didn’t even have these when I was young enough to be on a playground!). Complete rejection in a haphazard, inconsiderate way. Clearly these were not my kind of people, I saw that immediately as this was playing out, but at the same time that recognition did little to soothe the hurt feelings and disappointment I had. And it made me cautious about setting myself up again….I got more and more resigned, and then comfortable, with a party of one.
Since I have made this big lifestyle jump it has become clearer to me just how different I am from others. I mean, this is a pretty uncommon retirement plan! And as I adjust to this ‘no fixed address’ lifestyle I am appreciating that the characteristics that kept me somewhat an outsider also gave me the independence, nerve and confidence to really step off the traditional track and do something unorthodox and unexpected. It’s a route that doesn’t have a whole lot of roadmarkers. And I am happy for that; figuring things out as I go. Like JLo this marching to my own beat has prepared me well. Now if I could only find my Ben…… 
A Bientot! Xo
PS: Photo taken while I was solo walking The Camino in Portugal fall 2019. The Australian lady beside me was in her early 80s when we met up. Memories of her attitude and good health still inspire me.
Thank you Michelle ❤️
❤️❤️❤️
Ahh yes.. this has happened to my daughter often. I find people today are flakey. They do not have the same respect for a
commitment . If they nno longer feel like going out or something better has come along, who knows. Since things are done via text there is not the personal connection. Even if they had called on the phone things are more difficult having a live person to talk to when they say they can’t make it. I hope your post will remind people of the importance of connecting and results of not following through with commitments. ( this does not include those due to illness or worse )
I LOVE your company. It is their loss!!
I have always admired you Michelle. You are kind, capable and yes beautiful and unashamedly you ❤️
Good morning!
You realize those ladies not showing up to your party had nothing to do with you, right? Be your beautiful self and don’t ever change for anyone! If you are a kind person and love yourself, that’s all that matters. Now that you’re a travelling gypsy, you can make friends all over the world ❤️
I do realize that, sort of. I was rejected but in retrospect, they weren’t my kind of people anyway so it’s all worked out. In general though, it can be a struggle when you move somewhere new. At least I know to expect that now!
Right on Wendy! Well said!
Logically I know my value Renee, emotionally I can still be a little more vulnerable. I do love the privilege of living and growing. Learning more about myself as time passes. And sharing some of my learnings so that others can possibly relate and not feel so offside. I appreciate your kind words and say – Rght back at you!
I remember fondly the girls weekend we had in Chester. Massages, pedicures, manicures, delicious food & wine, laughter & sharing! You welcomed us all with loving, open arms. xo
That is the strength and courage I am talking about. You are stronger then you think and more loved then you know. Believe it or not, your subscribers are now your posse and we hang on to every word you type.
I love your posts. ♥️
I would have been at your party!! We enjoyed your company so much at the card games! Looking forward to your return to NB so we can have more games! You are exactly who you are supposed to be and that is wonderful!
You were all SO welcoming Joy. Peggy and Mom would have been so pleased to see me included in the Brown family card nights. More next fall for sure!!
My virtual posse! 🙂
❤️❤️. Love you and your adventurous spirit my friend ❤️
Thanks Jenn, appreciate your easy go with the flow personality!! Some days I need a little more of that, but I am getting better in retirement…. being less scheduled and all…..
This tugged at the heart strings Michelle ❤️🥹 I do completely understand the no show feelings of disappointment.
Those ladies have no idea what they were missing out on ❣️
Well my friend, it surprises me you felt that way!
You do have a posse ; just scattered all over! 😁 And you are very strong, and have courage like no other!! You are loved! 😘
I ditto that Brenda! ❤
A pretty powerful post this morning.
I feel sorry for those women who didn’t attend your dinner party. They missed out on a fun evening with a great gal. They are probably still declining invitations (or not) at the last minute and well look at you living your best life. You are right where you are supposed to be, part of this great adventure.
Part of this great adventure indeed Maggie! I am sure those women are continuing to go through life oblivious to their impact on others, tucked in tight in their little clique. I dodged a bullet that they didn’t invite me in as sooner or later I would have realized what quality people they were and pulled away. But we carry these vulnerabilities at a very cellular level so it didn’t stop it from hurting at the time. I am over it I assure you!
Well my friend, I had no idea you felt that!!! You do have a posse; we’re just scattered all over!😁 you’re strong and so brave, and much loved!! Xo😘
That experience was pre our lives reconnecting and I am so glad they did!
Ooops, thought my first post didn’t go through! Hearing it twice won’t hurt!🤣🤣
I understand fully, lived it as well. However, look where it has gotten you, living the best life ever. Having great adventures, meeting people from around the globe. Living a life that so many of us are envious of, having the freedom and bravery to live this nomadic life seeing so many wonderful places, then writing about it so we can all feel a little of the experience. I don’t know about anyone else, but I kinda wish I was you ♥️.
I wrote (and try to always write) as honestly as I can Deb as I know there are other people who can relate and maybe then feel less “alone” in whatever the experience. And even know we logically know that of course, we can’t be the only one with that experience, or with that feeling, it is comforting to know we aren’t alone. Just like when I read the JLo interview and was like- Ah ha, even wildly successful people can sometimes feel on the outside looking in.
And it is an interesting life. But as I keep stressing, it isn’t glamorous! Right now I couldn’t imagine living any other way. So glad you are enjoying the stories and I appreciate the support!
It’s your life experiences that have made you who you are today. And in my humble opinion, wow… you are an amazing, adventurous person. I envy many of the things you’ve achieved.
Ps: I would have come to your party!
Take care you,
Debbie
Ah thanks Deb! I am remembering a Christmas party we attended a long, long time ago. And there was dancing!
Your story today just goes to show that we don’t always know what people are going through, or have gone through. Life is not always easy, and in fact more often it’s not easy it seems to me. And FYI, you may not have been the cool kid in school, but you certainly are the cool lady now! PS those women in your story were just plain rude!
They were weren’t they Joan! It was clear to me that they had no intentions of ever coming, just didn’t bother to tell me. And you’re right, life isn’t so easy. But all of the challenges give us opportunities to be stronger, better, more insightful, empathetic…. a chance for personal growth. I always feel like I am a work in progress, striving to be the best version of me that I can be.
Those women? Their loss! You’re most likely better off without them in your life.
1000%. I know that now. And I suppose I did as soon as they bailed. But it didn’t take the sting out of my disappointment right away. That took time. In fact, if I really think about it that feeling of rejection, though more muted, is still there.
Michelle, anyone of us who are fortunate enough to have you as a friend can say for certain that those women, who didn’t show up that night are the ones who lost out on befriending someone very special!!
Although we didn’t always have a lot of one on one “girlfriend time” I have always enjoyed our times together and am proud and grateful to call you my friend!!
I miss our days of hanging out with our girls, when they would have us!! Lol! And of course the days of catching up over hairdos!! I envy your independence and bravery to be off doing ‘you’!! And I hope that you will find a few of those special people to call your friends along the way!! Because they would be lucky to have you as a friend!! 💞
And the next time you plan a girls night, I for one, would definitely be there!!
(Even if you have to fly me over to France!! Lol!)
Thanks for reminding me how precious my lifelong friendships are and to appreciate new friendships too!! 💞
Don’t ever diminish who you are for someone else my friend. I think you are just great the way you are.
I always thought you were one of the great company reps. Always so upbeat and positive no matter what news you were delivering. Not to mention the fact that your outfits were always on point and your lipstick too!!
Your unconventional retirement is just perfect for you. You love to travel and you are young and healthy! I love reading your blog every day and if you write a novel one day, I will be first in line at Chapters to purchase it!!
I love reading your blog. I loose myself in your adventures. I can’t imagine the hurt when no one showed up to your party. You are a strong beautiful lady and you’ve got this. Hugs my sweet friend.
Big Mitch they missed out on a lot of unexpected fun. Every time I have met up with you ends up being exactly fun. Some people just can’t get out of their comfort zones.
Once again so enjoyed this “little bit sad” notes. The hell with those women, phony bitches. When I moved from the city to here in Enfield I found, and still do, hard to fit in this little clicky village. Take care my friend
I think if you made that dinner party today you would have to rent a hall, their loss. I’d be there with bells on. Again you moved me with this blog. I am in awe. Such respect for your resilience and ability to be fearless. I grow stronger reading your blogs. I hope you realize just how strong you are and the lessons you are teaching.
It’s so Interesting what we remember from our childhood and how albeit years later still has an impact. The numerous responses are right… their loss. I’ve always saw you as the light in the room. How well spoken you always were. How people gravitated to you. How your smile and positive vibe always made my day. Remember way back in the 80’s-90’s, when you’d drop in for a visit, we didn’t want you to leave. So there you go…some may have not wanted to come, but others were waiting for you to show up. 🥰❤️🤗