Silver Linings

The first time I came to France for 3 months I went home to work.  That was super easy; it got me back into the swing of life at home, I was moving into a new role with all sorts of learnings and I was closing in on retirement.  The 2^nd time, last mid-Aug to mid-November was different altogether.  It was the first of my nomadic, no fixed address, life.  And you know what?  It was harder than I thought it would be.  Quite a bit harder actually. 

The Ontario portion of the time in Canada was easy.  Not only do I have my sister and a daughter there who always make me feel at home but I have a favourite aunt and uncle who are so chill and welcoming I don’t know how anyone could not want to spend time with them.  But headed East to see friends was different.  Covid continued to mess things up.  People got sick, or were afraid of getting sick, which limited some of my visits.  I found it difficult to invite myself to stay with people, which really, if you are going to be a professional couch surfer you have to get comfortable with!  But even this turned out magically as I ended up spending many weeks at the home of an aunt and uncle in New Brunswick who I really hadn’t known all that well.  I can hear some of you asking ‘How could she not know her aunt and uncle very well?’  It’s simple really- my dad was the oldest of 15 children in a rowdy, Irish Catholic family.  My Uncle Pat is one of the younger siblings so he and his wife, Aunt Ruby, are actually only a few years older than me.  And as with many big families, in adulthood everyone was busy doing their own thing over the years and decades until you are largely only seeing each other at weddings and funerals.  In case you are wondering I have close to 40 first cousins on that side of the family alone.  When I say I come from a big family, trust me, I come from a big family. 

Uncle Pat and Aunt Ruby and I got to know each other better and I felt such joy that this family was now my family in more than name alone.  They told me stories of family history.  I learned more about what experiences they had had over the years, moving to Ontario and back, raising a family etc etc.  The time together was both generous and priceless.  And a band of more distant cousins on my Mom’s side brought me into the family fold for card nights and a girls lunch out which was delightful in the getting to know them, their partners, their humour, their warmth.  Here’s looking at you, The Browns of Apohaqui!

This bonus family time I hadn’t predicted.  I was a bit jolted when getting together with friends I was looking forward to seeing wasn’t as easy to make happen as I somehow thought it would be.  They were busy with work and their own lives and in some cases we couldn’t align our calendars to meet up, or we squeezed something in but it was brief and less than satisfying.  (Insert happy note here that some friends had been eagerly awaiting my return and were keen to make the most of the time we could make work together.)

You know, at first I was hurt and focused on what I hadn’t had, that time with friends I had expected I would see more of, instead of what I did have, a core group that were as excited as I was to reunite.  It was yet another lesson for me as I hike my way along life’s journey; why even give a thought to what didn’t happen and focus instead on what did?  After all, the riches were much bigger than the losses.  And among those riches was not just the time spent with the friends I did see but the opportunity created to get to know family better. 

This is all part of my personal growth, learning that leaving it all behind also means that some friendships won’t endure the vast distance, the uncertain lifestyle I have taken on.  And it doesn’t mean that we weren’t friends because we were- we had some good, sometimes crazy fun times together.  But not all friendships are meant to go the distance.  They don’t transition over time and space.  The time together settles into warm memories instead of a sense of loss.

There is a kind of life’s philosophy I try to live by-and here I paraphrase an from an interview with the late American spiritualist, Dr Wayne Dyer- That all things in death are stiff and rigid and the more you live your life stiff and rigid in your thinking and your actions the more you are living as if you are already dead.  Wow.  I turn this one over in my mind often, challenging myself to be open minded.  I picture a dead twig and I see how stiff and unbending it is and I’m like- I don’t want that to be me!  We humans like structure and routine.  I know I for one could easily morph into the – ‘I always have dinner at this time.’ or ‘I always have xx for breakfast.’- slowly becoming closed to new ideas, thoughts, ways of doing things.  This philosophy of staying open minded to others ideas, to the opportunity for learning and growth, to see experiences as part of that opportunity serves me well.  Sure it might mean I sometimes spend a lot of time ‘in my head’ but it also challenges me to continue to push myself into new

arenas of thought and action to live my life as full as I possibly can.   

And speaking of being pushed…… ugh, the packing challenges have begun…….  More on that later, I am signing off for another day with Baby Nina. First stop, the boulangerie and croissants.   

A bientot!  xo

PS: Photo of the beautiful Bay of Fundy, NB.